life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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