I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
