Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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