You work out of a Hotel?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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