....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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