This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
