Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
