I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
