yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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