just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
