Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
