I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
