so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
