I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
