why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
