I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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