Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
