i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
