Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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