I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
