you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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