I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
