I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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