just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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