remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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