people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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