why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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