She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
