I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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