Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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