Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
