If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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