I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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