yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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