Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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