i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
