You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
