I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my shit smells like andre
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
