Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
