apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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