i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
