i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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