I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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