But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
