Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
