why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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