Already got asked if we're dating
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
