My nipple is on Facebook.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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