you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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