Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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