I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
