You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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