I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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