shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
