i just google imaged poop.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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