I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
