Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
