woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
