Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
