hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
